Tuesday, April 30, 2013

April had a lack of showers. I guess there won't be many May flowers.

Where did April go?

*I went to California with a friend.  We played at Universal Studios and Disneyland.  We had an amazing time and finished most of our sentences with the word "ladies."  It makes the most innocuous sentence suddenly become creepy.  Try it.  It's addictive.  I would post a picture of the amazing martini I had at Disney's California Adventure, but Picasa is being a real problem.

*I had surgery.  I was fairly quiet about this here and in my real life.  My right non-identical twin has a new scar and weighs less than it did at the beginning of the month.  My bill of health is now clean.  I could not shower for too many days.  Thank you for not commenting on my aroma when you came over to bring me dinner or flowers.   

*I took narcotics for one day.  It was the day Annette Funicello and Margaret Thatcher died.  Bye, bye central nervous system altering drugs.  Me no likey. 

*I was on medical leave from roller derby because of the aforementioned surgery.  My leave expires tomorrow.  I haven't exerted myself at all in a month, so practice tomorrow should be interesting.  I will be in great pain Thursday morning.  I'm pretty sure it will be like starting over....

*Mad Men came back on.  Now you know what I've been up to on Sunday evenings.

*Just like you, I was deeply saddened by the events that occurred in Boston and in West, Texas.

*A friend called me to meet her at 9:30 am for a pedicure.  The place had wine, and when they offered I said, "Sure."  I drank about three sips.  A).  It was 9:30 am for pete's sake.  B). I had to drive home. C). It was sweet.  I hate sweet reds.  Ick.     

*I went to the afterparty after last Saturday's bout.  This was the first afterparty I have attended this season.  I would tell you all about it, but what happens at the afterparty stays at the afterparty.  Except I will say that the fact that the DJ played Hall & Oates should be a BIG tip-off.  Really? Hall & Oates?  Who requested that?  And do you want me to kick your butt now or later?

*Bonus got his orange and black belt in jiu jitsu and thanked me for being so good to him but only because he coach said he had to.  We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye much lately.  Especially after he hid so successfully following an argument with his sister that I had to call a neighbor to come help me find him.  I nearly called the police.  I was completely hysterical.  We have new rules about hiding places.  Although Bonus argued that he never left the house, I told him that my home owner's insurance policy says that the garage is a separate dwelling.  
*RNR is now fully apprised on the birds and the bees.  It was a rather impromptu but necessary speech on my part.  The gross out factor for her was a twelve on a scale of ten.  Good.  Let's keep it that way for at least the next 8 years. Preferably longer.

RNR looking at her parents and other parents in a whole new way 

*My laptop is leading a revolt against me.  It won't charge, and it's not the battery.  It's the fact that 2 of my children can't seem to walk in my room without ripping the powercord out of the back of the computer. Nothing is sacred around here. 

* The children are convinced that we are getting a dog.  They even informed my parents of this.  We are not getting a dog.  I love dogs.  I just don't want to take care of one right now.  Because we all know if we don't want the poor thing to starve to death, I will have to feed it.  I offered a hermit crab compromise but so far I have no takers.

*My roller derby team started group texting.  And now you know why the blog has been a little ignored....

*The water heater died a slow death while I was in California.  I'm so glad I missed the cold showers.  New water heater is SUPAH!

*My nephew went live.  Visit him here to see his cuteness and ninja football skills.  I'm one proud aunt.

*We had a break-up.  Which means we went out for a special dinner and had a proper dessert at Ben & Jerry's.  Miss Noteworthy and the boyfriend are off right now.  There is a big dance this Saturday, and tickets were purchased.  Thankfully, she did not order a boutonniere.   

*Lunch duty at the elementary school got momentarily sketchy when a table of adorable and innocent first grade girls asked me if babies came out here (pointing to stomach) or here (pointing to crotch). I told them to talk to their mothers when they got home. And then told the child who started the conversation that she needed to leave that conversation at home.

*I'm not going to apologize for ignoring my blog.  I'm not even going to say that I'll try harder.  I'll just say that I'll try to let you know when something interesting happens.