Just when you thought it couldn't get any more embarrassing for me, along came the second session of my laser hair removal treatment...
I arrive and sit down in the waiting area just like the first time. The owner asks me if I am there for spider vein treatment and just like last time I say, "No, bikini line laser hair removal." She says "Okay. I'll be right with you.", gets a puzzled look on her face, and then scurries into her office. Two minutes later, she emerges and shows me to a room. Not the same room as last time, so I am already breathing a sigh of relief.
She asks me a couple of questions as she is turning dials on the laser machine and then tells me take off my pants.
And stands there.
So I stand there. Looking at her. Waiting for my paper panties.
She doesn't move.
And we continue at this standstill for a moment or two. She again says, "Go ahead and get undressed."
And I awkwardly say, "Umm, you haven't given me any panties yet?"
She says, "No panties necessary for only bikini line. You can just keep on your own."
Which should have been a relief, right?
Not so much.
Since I had to change into the fabulous, sexy paper panties at the previous appointment, I had not carefully considered my panties and their particular impact on my laser hair removal treatment when dressing that morning.
They were clean.
They were pretty.
They were not particularly skimpy.
And I grow doubtful that this hair removal session is going to do much for my swimsuit season because the panty line of this pair would gobble up the line on my bikini and still have an inch or so to spare.
Then, she continues to stand there.
And I realize she is not going to leave the room while I take off my jeans.
I guess she figured we were all girls and had seen it all before...
I consider asking her to leave the room, but then I figure she is going to see me in my panties one way or another, so why bother and prolong this appointment that is already not going to my liking.
I move toward the chair, sit my purse down, quickly slip off my shoes and jeans, drop them on the chair, wish I was wearing a longer shirt, and Fosbury Flop myself onto the table.
She begins zapping at my bikini line and then out of nowhere hikes up my panties to get to that inch or so between my panty line and my bikini line. She seems a little annoyed with my choice in undergarments and the fact that she is having to wrestle with her laser wand and my leg opening at the same time.
"Here, can you hold this for me?"
And then I'm assisting her in pulling my panty line up and over.
In my head, I'm thinking, "I told you I needed the panties." Hmphf! I knew what I was talking about. I'll bet she will give the paper panties to everyone from now on....
When finished tells me that I should expect a great deal of hair regrowth following this appointment. And that I won't return for twelve weeks. Then, she mumbles something about how it has to follow this schedule because of the hair growth cycle and maximum effectiveness.
Great. That's after Memorial Day weekend. I think to myself that I will have two choices for how I look for the beginning of swimsuit season: 1) buckwheat in a headlock, or 2) razor burn that looks like a highly communicable disease. They are both looks. Neither is a good one, but....
Here's the thing. Once you start laser hair removal you are only allowed one other option of hair removal during the entire course of treatment. You can't wax. You can't use depilatories. You can't tweeze.
You can only shave.
And the ingrown-hair-meets-razor-burn-and-gets-married-and-has-way-too-many-ugly-children results of shaving are why I decided that laser hair removal was a necessity for me. I know that was an evil and cruel mental picture I just planted in your head. Don't look at me funny the next time we see each other...
I'm sure I had an interesting look on my face by this point. She leaves the room. I get to put my pants on in private. As I am dressing, I consider wearing a dress I can just pull up to my waist and a tiny thong for the next appointment in case she decides to give me the paper panties and still not leave the room. Hopefully, I will remember this particular panty debacle when June rolls around.
I had this treatment back on the fifth of March. I'm not seeing the massive regrowth she predicted yet. I didn't see it at the three week period after my first treatment either. I have had to shave once since my second treatment, and the razor burn was almost non-existent. I appear to be having better results than most at this point in the treatment.
We'll talk hair removal again in June when Laser Hair Removal: Part III comes out. But, you already know that the third release in a series is always disappointing.