I had somewhere to be on Tuesday night, and after picking up the children from school, I needed to bathe and get ready. The need to be somewhere always presents the most unusual roadblocks for me...
I explain to Miss Noteworthy that I needed to get ready for my evening out and could she help me out with RNR and Bonus. And, of course, she says yes. Then, she goes up to her room and shuts the door. I've yet to discover what is so amusing in her room. Actually, I know she is drawing, writing or reading with intermittent texting to and from friends. I guess I'm on my own without anyone to run interference.
I tell Bonus I am about to go take a bath and ask him if he needs anything. Holding the clamshell box in his hand, he tells me that TODAY is THE day that he MUST watch the Barney Halloween video. And he has it in his precious little hand, so I can't tell him that I don't know where the video is. Foiled again! Why didn't I remember to throw out those Barney tapes? And, of course, the video needs to rewind, so I sit there and wait. And wait. And wait. How long is this video? But, finally, the numbers on the counter start slow, so I know it is nearly finished. Bonus will be occupied for the entire time I am bathing and dressing, so his video idea is actually a good thing. And, yes, thanks for pointing out to me that in this moment I am blissfully happy to be using the television as a babysitter.
My home phone rings. When I look at the caller ID, it is a real person and not a telemarketer. I think about letting it roll to voice mail, but I know this friend is having a hard time right now and probably has a real need. I answer. "Reckless, can you please... ?" "Sure, but can you send me an email with the details because I'm running a little late this afternoon." In my mind, this literally translates to "Too much talking. Just let me get off the phone right now because I haven't even figured out what I am wearing tonight yet." Ugh.
What am I going to wear? Because nothing is fitting right now, and I keep recycling the same three outfits. They have become my uniform And I haven't done laundry yet this week. This may be a real problem....
Oh my goodness. I just remembered that I am actually supposed to BRING something to this dinner party. Food. I talked about it last night with Mr. Incredible and asked him for suggestions, but then I apparently lost consciousness. And totally spaced on this most important detail. And my cupboards are pretty bare. I have come up with some pretty creative concoctions in the past, but even my friend Julie over at Mommie Cooks probably could not do much with Stove Top, canned mushrooms, and what was once fresh broccoli but now is waving its white flag and begging me to find the time to move it from veggie drawer to the trashcan. This is just not going to work.
I'll call Pei Wei. I will buy a huge salad which will mean I need to leave my house fifteen minutes earlier than I had planned. Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Click, pop, WOW! Click, pop, WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! That's the sound of my text box going crazy. Mr. Incredible picked this text alert sound that at first I thought was obnoxious but has since grown on me. Again, I think of ignoring the messages. But, five in a row? Someone might really be having an emergency. I go to my purse and pull out the phone, and thankfully, none of these require my immediate attention. I wonder what is going to hold me up next.
Except for the sounds of a creepy purple dinosaur in the background, everything stays quiet. It's my chance to make a break for it and jet up to the tub! I head for my bathroom.
Mr. Incredible left town on Tuesday. This inevitably means the house and/or my van will decide to revolt. I got undressed and turned on the water to begin my bathing process. As the water reaches about six inches deep, I stick my toe in.
The day was blustery, so the pilot light on the water heater had gone out. Air seems to come down the roof vent for the water heater and then blow out the pilot light on exceptionally windy days. I don't know if this would happen in other parts of the country. Most other regions seem to understand that if you put your water heater in the attic and then said water heater explodes on you that your house will sustain water damage. But, not in Texas, buddy. We put 'em in our attics. We spit in the face of logic. Why is this?
Well, the cold water in my tub meant I was going to have to go upstairs in the attic and re-light the pilot light. And that means pulling down the ten foot wood ladder from the ceiling. It's an extra heavy duty ladder, which means it weighs extra, too. And I have to reach up over my head to pull it down. You can imagine the injury potential.
I really had no desire to combine a lighter, gas, tall ladders, and my naked body. I had flashes of me trying to cover my singed body while explaining to an EMT why I was up in the attic sans clothing. Not a pretty picture. I went to my drawers and fished out an old t-shirt and workout shorts I have owned for more years than I care to share (ok... at least 20) and got dressed.