Monday, October 17, 2011

Do You Think the Tooth Fairy Could Draw Unemployment?

Last night as I cuddled with Bonus in his Star Wars bed, he ever so quietly asked me, "Mommy, is the tooth fairy small?"

To this I replied, "Well, I'm not sure.  I've never seen her."

Bonus exclaimed, "I hope she brings me a real dollar!" 

Maybe I'll dress him up as a jack 'o lantern.  Or Mike Tyson...

As opposed to those fake dollars she normally leaves?  Nah, I knew he meant a dollar bill.  The tooth fairy at our house normally leaves coins.  The coins typically equal a dollar or more, but the tooth fairy rarely has hard, cold cash in her purse.  She scavenges some coins out of her purse, car, the laundry room, etc.

However, this time there was a one dollar bill tucked in among the fifty receipts in the wallet of the tooth fairy, allowing the wish of one little boy to be granted exactly as he had requested.  And there was much rejoicing this morning over breakfast.  You know, love is often found in the small things.  I'm glad the tooth fairy was on the ball.


But now, I'm going to rat her out.

The tooth box

Our tooth fairy stinks.  Sometimes, she falls asleep waiting for the child to be comatose enough to sleep through her visit.  Other times, she just plain forgets to do her job.

She has devised a sneaky, little plan to cover up the fact that she has fallen down on the job. 

Look at that tiny little tooth and the shadow of my phone.  Hey, I never claimed to be a photographer. 

When the child arrives at the breakfast table lamenting the fact that the tooth fairy has not visited, I tell the child that maybe they overlooked the fairy's gift and that after breakfast, another look is in order.  And then I excuse myself and head upstairs for my shoes or to brush my teeth or any other plausible reason I can invent on the spot.

And I leave some cash under the pillow on the floor or under the bed or at the foot of the bed under the sheets.

After breakfast, the child goes to look again and I call out "tips" where they might want to look.

It works.


The day is saved.  The child is ecstatic.  The tooth fairy is off the hook.  Again.

But, really, the girl needs to be fired.

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