Tuesday, July 26, 2011

For a Small Taste of Hell, Go to Wichita Falls in July. I Dare You.

I got back from a week of summer camp last Friday.  It's now Monday, and I have finally begun to recover.

I say "begun" because the long-term effects of summer camp can't always be fully seen in the week following camp. 

So... camp.  It was hot.  And we actually did make a comparison or two between the weather at camp and H to the E with the double hockey sticks bringing up the back.  We knew it was beyond bad when it was 99 as we walked to breakfast at 7:45 AM.  To say we sweltered just doesn't seem to cover it.  The girliest third grade girl (yes, I had third graders and lived to tell about it) in my cabin came in from free time drenched with sweat and proclaimed, "I was sweating like a man out there."  And she was.  Beads on her upper lip.  Armpit circles.  Crotch blotch.  NO DEODORANT. 

We were in the same boat.  Not just with the sweat.  With the NO DEODORANT. 

Yes, I left my entire bag of toiletries sitting next to my bathtub and went to camp for a week.  Splendid. 

How did this happen you might ask?  Well, I packed two children for camp and one child for a week at his grandparents.  Which means I was packing for myself the morning of camp... and some of you know I am not a particularly good packer to begin with.  I did remember socks though.  And that little comment is for a special lady.  Who also always remembers her socks now. 

If you think I didn't have a complete freak out when I went looking for my face wash right before dinner on Monday and discovered I had NONE of my niceties from home, you have never met me.

I'm flexible, but I'm not that flexible.  Leaving that bag out of my suitcase meant I had no toothbrush, no toothpaste, no razor, no face cleanser, no shower gel, no CONTACTS, no deodorant... You name it.  I had left it at home.  And there was a moment when I thought I might actually cry. 

And then, I got over myself, and decided that I could steal most of that stuff from my own two girls without them even noticing.  Except the toothbrush.  Ick.  (J.O. hooked me up with that because she loves me and because we had a bunch to give away as zonk prizes in "Let's Make a Deal".  She even snaked me a green one.).  Thank goodness I double-checked that I packed my panties. 

And this oversight on my part is how I came to wear Degree Girl "Just Dance" deodorant for a week.  Really, I think I would have been equally protected if I had worn none.  But maybe if I had been just dancing, it might have worked beautifully...  Maybe I should sue them for false advertising.

The lack of toiletry bag is also how I came to wear my sunglasses OVER my glasses.  In the pool.  At the zipline.  On the low ropes.  It's a look.  Not a good one.  But, it's a look.  A look I don't recommend for anyone under the age of 65  for anyone. 

And then, in the process of getting revenge on my favorite neighbor Kernsie for her cheaterpants ways during Mission Impossible at camp last summer, I battled with a golf cart.  And I lost.  My forehead is still quite sore.  And there is a small period of time I may have blacked out.  But, no worries.  I got Kernsie back.  That's what really matters, right?  And now we are even--we both own bras that were not blue when we bought them.  We drew up an armistice, and both parties signed.  Since there are two of us, we decided to have a club instead of a war.  Don't even ask to join unless you can prove that you, too, have been unfairly doused with blue food coloring.   

Oh... and I gained SIX pounds.  SIX POUNDS.  SIX POUNDS. SIX POUNDS. 

(I don't know how to make the font any larger or I would keep repeating myself.)

Lest I forget, I did not sleep alone at camp.  RNR decided that she was freezing in the middle of this record heat and climbed into bed with me to get warm all but one night.  Ask me if I can turn my head to the left. 

And I would show you pictures from camp, but my sunscreen exploded in my backpack and leaked into my camera.  SD cards don't really like Coppertone.  Neither do LCD screens.  And this is why I don't buy expensive cameras...  This one lasted for ten months, so that may be a record...  

So, it wasn't the most comfortable week I have ever had at camp.  And while I am certainly glad I was there and would not have missed it for the world, I can wait until next July to go again.   

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