Friday, June 3, 2011

An Eight Wheeled Butt Kicking

Signs that roller derby practice was a beating...

...Deciding to forego shaving your legs in the shower the next morning because you would have to lift your leg and bend over.  Which is pretty serious because you were going to the pool and knew people would actually see that the hairs on your legs need braiding.

...Having to think about the best way to put on panties.  Normally, this is an almost unconscious act.  I just grab some out of the drawer, and presto!  they are magically on my body.  This morning I started to bend in the middle and thought "this isn't going to work."  I had to do the put-the-panties-on-the-floor-and-fish-for-the-leg-hole-with-your-foot-and-wiggle-them-up-your-leg maneuver.  It takes longer.  It takes effort and thought.  It takes skills.  Thank goodness I have skills, or I might have had to throw on a dress and go commando.   

...Considering if it is possible to refrain from going to the bathroom for an entire day.  Because sitting down on the seat makes you wince like a big baby.  And hovering is not any better (before you make that suggestion).  Wait until the last possible second and nearly pee all over yourself.  More than once.  Wonder if the Chinese don't have something with their stand over a hole method... 

...Reaching for the Advil before you hit snooze.  Seriously.

...Standing up and turning around with your whole body instead of quickly twisting your body to reach for something behind you.

...Unable to remember how many times you fell during practice.  You just know that after you fell on your stomach and were unable to breathe in Last Man Out that the rest of the practice is largely a blur.  Your guess is as good as mine when and where the bruises on my hand and arm happened. 

...Getting an elbow to the face and just being relieved that you didn't break your leg.  Or get your nose broken.  Or break your wrist.  Or have your hand rolled over. 

...Having someone else's Sharpie marks on your clothes.  My neon pink Reckless shirt will forever bear the smudges of Six Foot Thunder's number 73.  Unless one of you has a cool laundry tip for getting out Sharpie.  Let me hear from you domestic goddesses.  Blood removal tips might come in handy, too.  Let's just get me prepared in advance for this little eventuality.

...Thinking that doing countless sit-ups and push-ups was a break or a breather.  Even strangely relaxing. 

...Not even caring that the wet sponges under your armpits were just under someone else's armpits.  You just care that they don't fall out of your armpits. 

North Texas Ladies...  Wanna learn more about roller derby?  Wondering if you have what it takes?  Want to see what a practice looks like before you commit yourself?  Send me an email at recklesshousewifeblog(at)gmail(dot)com, and I will get you hooked up with the right people.

1 comment:

  1. hhmmm. i don't think your call to north texas ladies will bear any fruit. not after your list of ailments.
    i recommend going commando (especially in this heat) and going outside to tee-tee standing up. mazie is a pro at this. i'll ask her if she has any pointers.
    rest up.