Monday, June 13, 2011

Naked Discipline

Summer's here, and I have started it in the most embarrassing way possible.

Yes, you guessed it. 

I was accidentally bottomless at the community pool. 

[Deep breath.]

On Saturday after a good workout at roller derby practice I took Bonus, RNR, and Miss Noteworthy up to the pool in our neighborhood just as I do practically everyday for the first month of summer.  We were meeting my most fabulous neighbor Kernsie and a couple of her kids.  We had also invited another family to join us, but, thankfully, they were running a little late and did not show up at exactly noon.  Or that dad would have gotten an eyeful.

Bonus was swimming inside two tubes and wanted additional flotation.  And, of course, he asked his mama to get him the blow-up snake.  Well, I had fetched plenty for him already, and I had just sat back down.  I told him that if he wanted more toys that he could get them himself.

I'm going to spare you all the gory details that followed.  Long story short, Bonus had a complete meltdown that required me to get into the pool and retrieve his kicking and screaming body.

It was quite a wrestling match, but I managed to yank extract him from the pool and sit him on my chaise lounge.

I told him he was going to have to sit out of the pool for a bit because he needed to get control of himself and choose nicer words.  He didn't really like my idea and started screaming at me at the top of his lungs.  I decided that we needed to take our little sideshow to the restroom to give us a chance to talk and him a chance to get control. 

This is where things started to turn a bit ugly. 

I started toward the restroom with Bonus in full tirade.

In an attempt to get back in the pool and escape the talking-to he was about to receive in the restroom, Bonus grabbed the tie on my super cute, super small string bikini bottoms...

...and pulled.

Let's just say that I showed a little more at the pool that day than I had intended.

Bonus tried to make a fast get away.  With both the ties on the left side of my bottoms in hand, I gave full chase.

Yes, I ran at top speed across the pool deck in my state of undress after Mr. Incredible's son.  I'm sure it was quite a sight to behold, and I am most thankful that the event was not digitally recorded.  As far as I know.

That little stunt cut the pool day short for Bonus.  I called Mr. Incredible and had him pick up his child and take him home.

After Bonus' tearful departure, Kernsie taught me a couple of mad ninja skills to use on Bonus in case he decides to disrobe me in public again.  You never know when a little jujitsu might come in handy.  And now I could break your arm if I really wanted to, so back off!

As if the broad sunlight display of my nether regions was not quite enough, I then had a pair of dragonflies that insisted on mating on my shoulder.  Of course, RNR noticed the insect copulation immediately and wanted me to explain why the two dragonflies were connected.  Fabulous.  Round two of sex-ed for the day.

Then, we caught a female child we know enjoying the pool's water jet a little bit inappropriately and had to rip her away from her fun as she explained rather loudly that she liked it.  Ahem...

I finally decided that we should probably pack it up for the day before "the twins (not identical)" made an unexpected appearance.  I have to leave some mystery for my neighbors...


1 comment:

  1. OK......now I think THIS has to be my MOST favorite post EVER!!!!! LOL!!!!!

    ReplyDelete