Saturday, April 30, 2011

That's What She Said...

The other night when I asked RNR to help her brother pick up his toys, she came completely unhinged and threw a fit like I have not seen (from her) in quite some time.  Apparently, she had some pent up frustration surrounding her brother. 

After she produced a litany of reasons why she should not have to help and how she absolutely would not do it,  she yelled,

"You hate everyone in this house except me!"

And Miss Noteworthy and I laughed so hard that there may or may not have been two distinct puddles on the kitchen floor.

When we explained to RNR why we were snorting and unable to breathe, she got a good laugh, too, and then actually went straight upstairs and picked up the toys.  More than needing to let off steam, she needed a good laugh.  And I'm glad she provided that for all of us.

Friday, April 29, 2011


While I was driving RNR to school, Radio Disney decided to pull something out of the Vault of Great Irritation.

It was even worse than what Sirius pulls out of the Vault of Cheese.  Worse than Color Me Bad.  Can you really get worse than Color Me Bad you might ask?  I mean they sang a song that said "we can do it til we both wake up."  Makes me wonder if they had a poor instructor or if they just didn't pay one bit of attention to their lyrics.

But this wasn't just a stupid song.  This was the mutha of songs that get stuck in your head and make you want to shove an icepick in your ear to make it stop.

MMMBop by Hanson

I struggled not to change the channel as RNR bopped along to the song.  Radio Disney may just be the death of me. 

Do I really have to say anything else?   

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Hit or Miss

Can someone please read my forehead and tell me what it says?

I'm pretty sure it doesn't say, "Mr. Produce Worker with Whom I Am on an Unfortunate First Name Basis, please ogle me while offering to cut me a piece of apple with a knife that resembles a MACHETE or while I'm loading up the hooptie with groceries."

If my forehead does indeed say these things, can somebody PLEASE run over here post-haste and assist my face washing because, apparently, I continually miss the same spot. 

But what is it with produce guys and the produce section?  You don't have to hit on me and tell me that you notice me here all the time to sell me fresh fruits and vegetables.  I'm going to buy them anyway because they are good for my family.  It is C to the Reepy, and this doesn't happen to me in the Meat Department where one might actually expect it and be prepared for the onslaught.  The butcher is just friendly. I prefer friendly.  However, I prefer you to go into the bowels of The Krogert and stay there until I leave the store.   

Produce guy rant over.

I'm done. I promise.

Third Times A Charm?

Picture this:

The garage door is open, the back of the hooptie is up, and I'm unloading groceries. I only leave the garage door open when I am either unloading something or going out to get the mail.  I have my hands full of bags as a white SUV driven by a a well-dressed, gray-haired man puts it in reverse and rolls back in front of my driveway.

This makes me nervous. And I will admit, that I get a little jumpier than most in these kind of situations. It *might* have a little something to do with a gun in my face and my purse getting stolen from me by a crackhead in Birmingham. Or maybe I'm just twitchy like that.

But then he puts the window down and speaks.  And he wants to know about my next door neighbors. The ones we refer to as the swingers. And all this is for "banking" purposes.

Shut my eyes and feed me a bullfrog.

This same stinkin' house has already been foreclosed on TWO times in the seven years we have lived in this house. And investigators have been by before asking questions about the previous owners.

I only confirm to him that someone does indeed live there. I don't specify who that someone is. And then, when he leaves, I walk over in front of their house to be sure because I haven't seen them since last Thursday. They could have stolen away in the dead of the night. I hear the dog barking, and I know they are still occupying the house.
Seriously people. If that house goes vacant again, I am going to scream. Not nice words either.  I'm also going to send Mr. Incredible over there to cut down the cypress tree that drops crap all over my patio year round. 

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Great Egg Debacle

I learned several valuable lessons this Easter Sunday. 

The first is don't expect to all get along on Sunday afternoon if you get up at 5:30 am to go to a sunrise service.  If there are ten people involved and five are children, expect to banish one adult person for excessive crabbiness and break up multiple verbal... ahem... how do I put this nicely?... altercations between the children.  Everyone needs a nap.  E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E.  The one who protests the nap probably needs two.  You may have to actually push one adult into the bedroom and hold the door until that adult falls asleep.

The second is that the only proper way to dye Easter eggs is ONE CHILD AT A TIME.  While coloring a mere fifteen eggs, two out of five children were banished.  One of them was the twelve year old.  Apparently, at age twelve eggs are still a precious commodity not to be handed over to a five year old who is tired and crying...  It's clearly better to yell at the five year old than hand over an egg. 

The other tip on egg dying is that if you have one of those magic wax crayons where the writing shows up after you dip the egg, guard it with your life.  If it gets out of your sight, one child may make his or her mark on just about every egg to the great dismay of all the other children.  On the other hand, you may find out that one child is getting there in his understanding of the reason why we celebrate Easter by thanking Jesus.  And that was a sweet, post-color surprise, even if the other egg he wrote on proclaimed his own personal greatness and rawk star status to all...

And on the whole egg thing, it seems as I discuss this year's coloring party with my mommy friends that many of us had similar eggs-plosions at our kitchen tables.  Last year I had eight children coloring four dozen eggs at my table and only broke up two minor squabbles over who got what sticker (guess what... I anticipated this and had an eggstra sheet tucked away...).  This year I couldn't begin to count the major penalties.  The penalty box was out of seats.  So, I have concluded that... dude, something was in the air... or that the key to egg dying happiness is vast quantities of chicken ovums.  And said dying should preferably occur at least the day before Easter (but in defense of the "grome-ups", the interest level was beyond low on Saturday due to cousins arriving and the draw of an 83 degree swimming pool).

The third thing is that some people actually remain in their golf carts at outdoor church serivces.  Because they might need to make a quick 15 mph getaway?  This was a completely new idea to me.  Who knew?  Apparently, I need to get with it.

Finally, when taking a little Easter boat ride, under no circumstances should you listen to your mother.  You were perfectly fine in your seat.  And relatively dry.  Switching to the other side of the boat because the children were not getting splashed... well,  that instantly throws the entire universe out of whack.  We. Got. Drenched.  And that water was stinking cold.  Thanks, Mom.  (Just kidding, Mom.  Well, mostly.  I'm not trusting your boat-seating-intuition any longer.)

And all this swirled around in my head and made me ask myself the question of why is Easter my favorite holiday? 

Oh yeah...

the small things may not go the way you planned, but

the Lord is risen. 

The tomb is empty.

Egg debacle and all...

I'm not budging until every square inch of this sheet is colored.  And you can't make me...

We really do love each other.  In moments...

My baby sister looking rather glamorous and thoughtful.  Or is that just bored and tired. 

Bonus, this wasn't last year's haul... what happened to our plan and the diagram I drew illustrating how to own the 5 and 6 year old hunt?  Maybe next year.   

Oh Captain, my Captain.  C is for cloudy, cold, and choppy lake conditions.

No, I want to ride with so-and-so...  Mini-boating is always a good time.

No. you can't have my seat.  I'm not stupid.  I'm dry.

Before the wave...
However you spent the day, I hope it was filled with love.  Happy Easter!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Boy's Dream

Do you like the fake sleeping?

After five years of sleeping with us, sleeping with Miss Noteworthy (fka Miss Proper), sleeping with RNR, and sleeping in a sleeping bag in the playroom, Bonus has finally slept in his OWN room for three nights in a row.  This is a major event.  And it's all because we finally got around to buying the bunkbeds he has dreamed about for the past two years.  The StarWars bedding may or may not have had something to do with it, too...

Sleep well, young Skywalker.  Or I'll use the force...

Monday, April 18, 2011

The Adventures of Lucy and Ethel, Part 4

The final installment, I promise...

FAQ Schwartz.  Too fun.  We made puzzles with our pictures on them to bring home.  Mine was Star Wars for Bonus.

We took in a little Broadway show

My delicious sprinkle cone.  Mid chew.

Grand Central Station

Brooklyn Bridge

Glad to have gone.  Even more glad to come home.  Except for the unpacking and the laundry. 

The Adventures of Lucy and Ethel, Part 3

For your viewing pleasure...

See the hooker boot.  It caught my eye because if I know anything I know my hooker shoes.

Times Square. 

Rockefeller Center in Legos

Live from Rockefeller Center

Me in the pedicab, rickshaw or accident waiting to happen, whichever label you prefer most

What it takes two girls in NYC to get ready to go down to listen to a lounge singer...

The final result of all that stuff.  I'd say worth it because we "look mahvelous, dahling."

The Park Avenue entrance to the Waldorf

Are you getting bored?  I'll stop soon.

The Adventures of Lucy & Ethel, Part Two

Breaking it up so it won't take forever to load, and so you'll have to keep coming back...


Our little birthday party in Central Park.  Cupcakes from Crumbs Bakery.  Mine was Cherry Cobbler.  Pandamom's was cookie dough.  Yum!

Matzo ball soup at Carnegie Deli.  Trust me--split everything at that joint.  You cannot eat it all yourself unless you are an eating competition champion.

Our rather enjoyable dining companions.  A rather chipper family from Great Britain and a couple who had just arrived on American soil from France for the first time.  We tried to explain pastrami to them, but...

For a new derby friend.   Fluffy rocks.  Even if she is a part of the Main St. Mafia...

Don't go away.  There's more....


The Adventures of Lucy and Ethel

Well, Lucy and I returned home a little over a week ago, and I am just now beginning to get a handle on my life and my laundry.  It was a blur of a week, and I had limited use of my arm (still hurts to put on and take off a shirt or jacket and can't sleep with my left arm under my head).  Sorry for the delay.

We had a great adventure, and the best way to show you is to simply post oodles of pictures.

Here ya go!

Oh Hail!  We need a cab.  The first cab ride.  From Penn Station to the hotel.  Some of you know I had fretted about hailing a cab.  That was needless worry.  I quickly became a pro.

Pandamom snapping pics of the frozen hot chocolate at Seredipity III.  Delicious!  Drank every last drop.

Our matching New York jammies.

Pandamom taking a picture of her camera with my camera because of our FB troubles...

Another picture of a picture for posting.  Isn't Lucy cute?

A strange statue about a block from our hotel.  It was being auctioned off, so it was being guarded.  That's Pandamom asking the guards why they were spending all day guarding a bear.

Me in Central Park.  Which I absolutely adored.  Pandamom loves to take pictures of me doing weird stuff.   

Ethel and Lucy

A painting I had wanted to see in person since high school.

The obligatory hot dog from the street vendor

To be continued....

Friday, April 15, 2011

Excuse Me... I Was Out Living My Life

Well, apparently, I have offended some of you by not posting my pictures quickly enough.  What can I say?  I just finished unpacking my suitcase yesterday, was EXHAUSTED from walking ten hours straight in a single day, took in two skating sessions, took care of three children, cooked dinner, packed lunches, nearly ripped my arm from its socket...

Yes, I got my first real skating injury doing a baseball slide for fun.  And I feel the pain.  I couldn't lift my purse with my left arm on Monday or Tuesday.  Wednesday I could only lift my arm up even with my shoulder without wincing.  On Thursday I still couldn't pull a shirt over my head without a stabbing pain.  And today...  well, it's getting better everyday, but it's just not quite right. 

Don't worry. I'll live. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I Guess You People Really Are Taking Over the World

For the first time EVER, the Apple-based operating systems and browsers won the usage war on my blog.

The iPads, iTouches, iPhones, and Macs comprised 51% of the traffic that stopped by to say hello last week. 

It makes me wonder just WHO you people are though.

I guess I better save my coins because it looks like if I don't get in the game, I'll be left behind.

I can't believe it.  Just goes to show that you should never say never.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Central Park Pics

Thank goodness for Pandamom.  I have band competition tonight or else I might get a chance to tell you a little story. 

Until I can get a moment where my kids aren't hurling themselves off of brick walls (no, I'm not kidding...), you'll have to visit my likeness over here.

Soon, I promise...

Monday, April 11, 2011


Well, I'm back, and I would sleep until Wednesday if I were not a mom to three.  Until I get a chance to sit down and write about the adventures of Reckless and PandaMom (aka Ethel & Lucy) and post my own pictures of NYC, check out the photo of me on Park Avenue.  I so needed that coffee.  Ask PandaMom; I was a little surly until I had my Starbucks...

Ooooh, I have such great stories to tell and some really big news that I received while having a pizza in NYC.  However, I have to go to bed now or else I might die.  Or at least collapse onto the tile floor.  I really don't feel like having a ride in an ambulance tonight, so I'm choosing king size. 

You'll have to wait until the weekend to hear that big news though.  Sorry to leave you hanging like that, but if I tell you some zombies might come for me.  You'll understand soon. 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

"I'm Going to Wake Up in the City that Never Sleeps..."

That's NYC for those of you unfamiliar with my pal Frank. 

Pandamom and I boarded a plane before daylight on Thursday and headed out of Texas toward the Big Apple.  Right now, we should be snug in our beds at the Waldorf Astoria.  I'm sure we are beyond exhausted already.

I'll let you know all about the adventures we had when I get back to the ranch. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My Little Lyrical Genius, You Take After MamaRocks

Bonus and I were driving around town the other day when Katy Perry's "Fireworks" came on the radio.  Imagine me trying not to snort Coke Zero out my nostrils and all over the dashboard of the hooptie when I heard this little tune coming from the backseat.

"Baby, I'm a pay you work.  Come on let your color horse."

Now, unfortunately, I can identify with this type of slaughtering of songs.  I was in college before I clued in that the song says "My eyes adored you."

I grew up singing "My eyes of Georgia."

Ummm, yeah.  That's embarrassing...

Yes, I realize it didn't make any sense, but neither does "I am the eggman, I am the eggman, I am a walrus, Googoobajoob."

And when we were dating, I had to cautiously inform Mr. Incredible that Bryan Adam's "Summer of '69" does not say "Standing on your mama's bush."   He doesn't like to be wrong, you know, but I couldn't let him walk around singing that version another day.

Apparently, that kind of thing runs in the family...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

And Baby, Talk Derby to Me

My shirts came in!!!!  There is another one with gold letters.  I wore that last Wednesday.  I find out which team I made on April 22.  Passed my sit ups, pushups, 5 laps in under a minute, and five minute endurance sprint.  I can't wait to see which of these fabulous derby girls will be on the same team.

Practice helmet all stickered up

Are these me or what?