Dear Driver of the Champagne Colored SUV,
I know you are an extremely important man, probably too important to ever read this letter. I should have known that you own the road with the all demonstrative hand signals you were throwing. And, dear sir, we are impressed. Impressed, I tell you. Why, we would all put magnets featuring your face on the sides of our vehicles if you would only hand them out. I would be first in line. I might even take extras to share with my good friends.
I found it quite classy that you would repeatedly curse at me with your windows down as my three innocent children listened. It was an uplifting experience for all of us. And since these words were new to my children, it was a learning experience as well. Why, sir, I thank you for the educational opportunity! It became our own little homeschool vocabulary session. We got to practice rhyming truck, luck, duck, and suck. Apparently, you have already schooled your sons on this. I notice they did not flinch. It's fabulous that they are so learned before they have even reached middle school!
My favorite part was when you continued to shake your finger at me all the way across the intersection and beyond. I wish I had a camera to record that for all to see. You would be known worldwide, and I am sure you would like that.
Sir, I am so sorry that I came to a complete stop before you did. And that I was even to your right when I did it. I understand that you are above all traffic laws and that I should ignore them in your presence. I am so sorry I started to go before it was convenient for you. I'll try harder next time.
And since you live in my neighborhood, I'm sure there will be a next time. I will be on the lookout for you from now on because it is a privilege. A pleasure. You can be sure that I will be glad to give you the right-of-way. There is no where I need to be that is more important than where you need to be. You living in Fantasyland and all; it's just the right thing for me to do. Plus, we both agree that I am number one.