Sunday, January 30, 2011

"This one time at band camp..."

I spent the bulk of Saturday with Miss Proper. She was in need of new shoes, and, of course, I am never opposed to shoe shopping. I took her to Zumiez because she is currently in a skater girl phase (although she has no skateboard). Strangely, she couldn't find anything there. I even told her they did not have to be on sale.  She still couldn't find anything.  Which made me question if she is really my child.  Full price shoes and you can't find anything?  That never happens to me. 

Miss Proper's style has been evolving a little now that she is in middle school, so it was fun to see the different pieces of clothing she was drawn to and those that repelled her. Yellow and black Fox shirt with glitter = cute.  Rock Revival jeans with a very small amount of bling on the pockets = a no go.  I told her I thought I should buy a shirt we saw at Cavender's that said "Hotter than a $2 Pistol." She told me that I am embarassing and that she can't take me anywhere. Hmph!

A few stores later, she finally decided on black Converse.  And as much as I want to glam and bling her up, I know they are her.  At least this current incarnation of her.  So, we buy them AND a darling pair of metallic flats that she can wear to church.  Which means we were both happy. 

Oh, and I did get one little pair for me, too.  Pewter with buckles.  Now, I just have to buy the right dress to wear them with...

And Miss Proper rejoiced that the clothing and shoe shopping was finally over (two hours and she's done? What?  I was just getting started...).   There were other errands to be completed, so I acquiesed.   

During our outing, I broke one of the rules I live by:

NEVER go to Costco on the weekend. 

And usually, I would leave saying, "Why, oh why, did I do that to myself?" like I did two weeks ago. Because it's completely unnecessary for a SAHM to enter that insanity. However, Mr. Incredible is a little under the weather and needed allergy medicine and some Coke Zero to wash it down. I only buy allergy meds at Sam's or Costco; they cost twice as much at The Krogert.  If you have to take the "D" version, you will pay for your yearly membership in about six boxes. And since Mr. Incredible and I both have these terrible allergies when stuff is blooming or molding or pollenating, we need about 4 boxes a month. So, I pay for memberships at both clubs because the savings on the "D" more than pays for both of them (C.K. is shaking her head and tsking this as she reads). There is also that  make-you-feel-like-a-criminal-hand-over-your-license aspect of needing the "D" products. And, you can't legally buy 4 boxes at the same place in the same month, hence the "need" for both memberships. Pretty embarassing when you ask for your fix with swollen, watery eyes and hand over your license only to be told that you are cut off for the month, ya junkie.  Thanks a lot cookers...  You had to get greedy and buy the entire pseudoephedrine inventory of Walgreens entirely ruining it for the rest of us.   

So, we went to Costco, got the drugs, the Coke Zero, some chips, some asparagus, and a couple of other things not on the list (C.K. cringing.).  Then, we got in line to wait for 3 years.  And a little churro lady was going up and down the lines asking if we would like what equalled about a third of one of their churros because Costco knew we might starve to death before we got to the register and then it would be a little awkward for their hands to be so deep in our wallets.  And it turned out that I actually know the little churro lady!  She was the mother of Miss Proper's second grade "boyfriend."  We had a nice little chat, which made the three years pass significantly faster.  I enjoyed seeing her.  She has moved away from our little hamlet and her children now go to other schools.  And because I got to see this sweet woman, I didn't berate myself for breaking a cardinal rule.   

Then, Miss Proper and I caught a quick lunch and talked about the standards: music and boys.  You know, she had the initial middle school note exchange with a boy, so she is feeling pretty mature now.  And there has been some make-up wearing and primping going on, so I have to follow up on that and see where things are getting.  Basically, they are getting nowhere.  And, because she is who she is, she is fine with that.  I, on the other hand, might like to kick the little guy in the butt though because he either likes her or he doesn't.  It's really not that hard.  On to the music scene... I have trained this child right.  I found out that Miss Proper's current favorite song is "Buddy Holly" by Weezer, and we sang a few bars of it together.  She even downloaded the lyrics.  Then, she asked me who Buddy Holly and Mary Tyler Moore are, which was a conversation of its own.    I also learned that she has purchased a few more B-52 songs beyond the ones I loaded for her.  Miss Proper knows that Shakira is not real music, and she digs The Beatles like the mama. 

But, here's where the band camp reference came into play.

We passed the billboard that has all the grown-ups talking.  If you live in my community, you know the one I'm talking about.  The one near the interstate and 407 with the cucumber on it that says, "Stop vegetable abuse!"  Well, it's a good thing that I had prepped myself for this little conversation.  Because Miss Proper asked, "Mama, how can you abuse vegetables?"  And you know I braced myself.  Because even though I was able to have the menstruation, puberty, and basic sex talk with her and even other girls at the requests of their mothers, I am not yet prepared to explain what some people might choose to use flutes and cucumbers for.  I did have an answer though.  I breezily told her, "Letting vegetables rot in the refrigerator is a terrible abuse.  You must store them properly and eat them before they go bad."  And because she is eleven, she bought it.  I stopped sweating and turned the Thompson Twins up a little louder...

1 comment:

  1. So THAT'S what the veggie abuse billboard refers to?! I thought it was what you said. And by now you're probably shaking your head at me or laughing at me and thinking "that's why I love hanging out with Abby."