Monday, July 19, 2010

Back From 1990

A couple of weeks back Mr. Incredible and I journeyed to Naples, FL to attend Mr. Incredible's 20th high school reunion.  Let me tell you, it's a world of fun to go to a reunion that is not your own.  There is much less anxiety and worrying about what people will say about you.  It also helps if you get to drive around in a white convertible Mustang all weekend.  And, if you buy a perfect little white linen sundress AND have a smokin' hair night, you get to walk around with an air of confidence that people just can't diss or dismiss or something like that.  And you get hit on by married men all weekend.  Yeah.  That's me; the married man magnet. So proud. 

I was told I was "dynamic", "smokin' hot", "hot", "centigrade hot", "gorgeous", "pretty", "beautiful", "the reason to move to Texas" and "the selling point for Texas."  Subtle, right?  If guys could have only been so forthcoming in high school and college...  I have to admit I was always a bit of a sucker for the cute pick-up lines, so back in the day I probably would have fallen for a couple of the above. 

Mr. Incredible had his own share of groupies, and we found this particularly amusing.  Plus, his old girlfriend walked by our table no less than 28 times.  I'm pretty sure she really did not have to visit the restroom that many times.  I guess it is possible that she could use a prescription for Detrol.  I know if something is really funny that I wish I had one.  And things have really cracked me up lately.  Much laughter.  Almost too much laughter. 

Aside from finding "spares", we stayed in a lovely hotel on the beach.  We had a great suite with a huge foyer and all kinds of wasted space.  I'm one hundred percent sure it was bigger than our first apartment, which really isn't saying much, but this was quite roomy.  We could have had a small party in the bathroom.  It might have been a little awkward if anyone had to pee, but...  If you ever have a chance to stay there, I would recommend it as long as you don't mind being surrounded by LOTS of Europeans, mainly Italians and Brazilians.  Beautiful women and bald, fat, hairy men speaking in languages I could not understand, which made a bikini-wearing me a little extra self-conscious.  I told one woman her child was beautiful, and she stared at me blankly.  When I pointed and said, "Bella!" she smiled and nodded and got all excited. 

While playing in the ocean I almost walked into a hoard of stingrays.  If it wasn't so completely scary, I would have enjoyed looking at the rays.  However, they were large, and their tails were long.  And, I had at least two parties to go to and needed not to have red stripes on my legs.  I booked it out of there thanks to Mr. Incredible's step by step instructions.  Honey, watch out.  Come this way.  Seriously, I froze when I saw them, and his hand gestures helped.  I definitely panicked when I saw their wings pulsing. 

The food front:  I ordered a pear martini, probably my favorite martini right now--especially if it is topped with a little bubbly.  I first had one at a British pub in San Diego last February.  Delish.   The french country salad was nice too, although the beets tasted a little extra earthy next to the goat cheese. 
At Bistro 821, I went out on a limb and tried ESCARGOT.  I had never been brave enough to eat snail before, and I thought since they were on the menu AND I will soon be forty that I should be adventurous and try them.  I don't have to have them again, but I didn't dislke them.  A little bit gritty.  A little bit chewy.  I also had some baked brie with figs and mushrooms.  Creme brulee for dessert.  I still have never met one that I didn't wolf down in mere seconds.  Custard love.  I also ordered a raspberry martini at this restaurant, too.  Barely above that lemondrop martini made with vanilla vodka.  Not my favorite.  At all.

Enjoy a few pictures from our travels to Naples.

Signing in to the reunion. 
Obligatory couple photo.

Our dinner companions.  Great group.

Holding up one of Mr. Incredible's groupies.

Naples High Class of 1990

Monday, July 12, 2010

Ummm.... Flip Flop Challenged Does Not Even Begin To Describe It

RNR has killed another stinkin' pair of flip flops.  Expensive, cheap, cute, plain, glitter, pink, black, yellow, silver; she is an equal opportunity destroyer of thongs (can you believe people used to call them that?).  This less-than-two-week-old pair died during a bike ride in the cul-de-sac.  And, yeah, I said I wouldn't, but I bought her another pair today.  Hot pink glitter.  It was buy her a new pair or go with her idea which was to wear two "mix-matched" left shoes.  I generally DO let my children leave the house dressed like street urchins as long as particular body parts are covered.  We have frequently visited The Krogert in Batman pajamas or a Thanksgiving program getup (in June); however, two left shoes is my limit. 

I have won all the bets thus far...  Mama does need (okay, need might be a little extreme, more like wants) a new pair of smokin' RED stillettos, but this flip flop saga is ridiculous even for my crew.  I would say stay tuned, but I am truly hoping this is the last installment in the Flip Flop Sagas.  And if it isn't, I'll try to take pictures next time. 

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Things I Never Thought Would Come Out of My Mouth and Other Bizarre Facts of Motherhood

****Edited to include the latest

Today I had a conversation with a friend about things I never thought I would have to say as a mother.  Although I may never be able to show my face in public again, I'm going to share them because they might make you feel like a little less of a failure as a mother. 

Without further ado...

1.  I never thought I would have to tell Bonus Baby (at the tender age of four) that it is not appropriate to kiss [insert name of beautiful little girl with brown hair, big brown eyes, and long lashes here] ON THE LIPS in the middle of Sunday School.  After I high-fived him, I told him he needed to wait until after church, take her around the corner, and then plant one on her. Just kidding.  A little.  Okay then, moving right along...

2.  I never thought I would have to specify that you should not store snacks "for later" in your underwear.  At least it wasn't marshmallows on a warm day...  

3.  I never thought I would need to tell my child to bring two shoes when she leaves the house.  Check out the Flip Flop Saga for full details on these sad, sad incidents.

4.  I could not have imagined that I would ask my children if the floor is a trashcan.  I guess I should have been expecting it when one of them finally answered yes.

5.  I seriously just broke up a fight over who was going to clean the toliets.  It was inconceivable eleven years ago that I would hear myself saying, "Were you fighting with your sister over the toliet?  That means you don't get to clean the toliet.  Give me the brush, and go to your room"  The response was a tearful, "Yes ma'am."

6.  An actual conversation:

     Me: Do you like to eat dirt?

     Child: No.

     Me: Do you like to eat snot?

     Child: No.

     Me: Then why do you insist on eating your boogers because boogers are dirt and dried snot mixed together?

     Child: I like it.

     Me:  Shall I blow my nose in a bowl for you and hand you a spoon? 

     Child: Mommy, that's gross.

     Me: So is eating your boogers.

7.  While we are on the topic of boogers, snot, and noses, I gave all of them permission to pick their noses in the bathtub because you are getting the rest of your body clean while in there.  Same thing should apply to the nostrils.  You should see the double nostril action that one child has adopted.   It's a strange victory for both sides.

8.  "I do not want to see your butt anywhere near your sister's face."

9.  "I don't mind if he dips his grapes in ketchup as long as he eats them."

10.  "Your father is not babysitting you.  He is your father; he parents you."

11.  "Because I said so..." (cringe.)

12.  "No, you cannot vacuum." (I never thought I would have a child who CRIES when I take the vacuum cleaner away.  You could take my vacuum cleaner away for weeks before I would notice it was gone.  Maybe I should keep that last little part to myself... )

13.  "If you are hungry, go put some clothes on."   I didn't think eating in the nude would set up a good precedent in years to come...  We have had to establish a shirt and pants rule for the table.

14.  "Mommies don't kiss butts." 

15.  "Please make sure to say the "t" in peanuts." To Bonus who kept screaming "peanuts" in the beauty store last week.  If you don't get why this was embarrassing, try pronouncing "peanuts" out loud without the "t".  Alrighty, then...

16.  "I'm not buying asparagus.  Would you like a cookie instead?"  In my defense, this was in Central Market, and it was nearly $10 dollars for about 10 spears of white asparagus.  The kid has impecable taste and a sophisticated palate, but come on!

17.  "Please do not eat cheese out of someone else's fingernails."  Ummm,  I think I will refrain from commenting on this one.

18.  In the same vein, I admonished one of my children for throwing cheese in the hooptie.  Which one I cannot say.  Said cheese came from row three and hit me in the back of the head.  Each blamed the other.  What a surprise. 

19.  "Let me pull down your pants and see what's in there."  So. Very. Wrong. when taken out of context.  Bonus kept saying his legs were itching...

20.  "I don't care if he's showing you his underwear. As long as he is not showing what's behind Yoda."

21.  "My dream come true would be that no one say poop or butt today.  And especially poopy butts. [two seconds elapse.]  I see I will have to wait at least one more day for my dream."

and the piece de resistance...

22.  Never in a million years could I have made up the following words that emerged from my lips as our family sat down to dinner one night a few years ago.

"Don't put your toothbrush on your weenie!"

Hot dogs anyone?